BLESS YOUR HEART... AND ALL THE MOST AMAZING SOUTHERN SAYINGS!

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BLESS YOUR HEART…

I grew up in the South, where language isn’t just about communication—it’s an art form. I was very fortunate because while I was born and raised in New Orleans, neither of my parents was a local. My mother was raised in the mountains of Arkansas, and my father was raised in the low country of South Carolina. This created a beautiful, funny, and diverse Southern atmosphere around our kitchen table, and when it came to Southern sayings.

Words aren’t spoken here so much as they’re served up, like a good casserole, full of hidden ingredients you may not even realize you’re eating. We don’t just say what we mean—we wrap it up in sugar, butter, and a little sass, and slide it across the table with a smile. Or, as my Uncle Hoffman told me once, “Well, you took this pile of horse manure of an insult and wrapped it in a beautiful, blue Tiffany box.”

Very few things make me laugh harder than the sayings I grew up hearing (and still hear today). They’re colorful, creative, and sometimes downright absurd. As I’ve gotten older—and especially as I’ve become a mother—I’ve realized these sayings are more than just words. They’re a language of family, of memories, a way of making sense of life, and a reminder not to take ourselves too seriously.

So, pull up a chair, pour yourself some iced tea, and let’s take a walk through some Southern expressions that never fail to crack me up.

The Nobel Peace Prize Winner of Southern Sayings: “BLESS YOUR HEART”

“Bless your heart” can mean you poor thing…or you poor fool. This saying is the QUEEN OF ALL SOUTHERN SAYINGS! Hands down… it will always be at the top of the list! Depending on who’s saying it—and how—they might be offering genuine sympathy…or they might be calling you the dumbest person alive.

My granny used it like a weapon. She could take down an entire room with those three little words. A woman once bragged to her about her new husband’s job and car, and without missing a beat, Granny leaned in and said, “Well, bless your heart.” Then, as we walked away, “Everybody knows the only way that fool could get that job is because his uncle is the manager.”

Other Sweet but Sassy Gems:

• “Ain’t that precious” – rarely sincere.

• “Well, I declare” – shocked but polite.

• “She means well” – which really means, she doesn’t, but we’re going to let her slide.

• “You’re so pretty” – I really can’t believe that came out of your mouth, but you’re good looking so you get a pass.

The Animal Kingdom

Southerners love our animal metaphors. Maybe it’s because most of us grew up hunting, fishing, a hound dog, or chickens running around the farm at grandmas.

• “That dog won’t hunt.” — That idea won’t work.

• “Even a blind squirrel gets an acorn every now and then” – Luck even strikes dummies or dumb ideas every now and then.

• “Busy as a one-armed paper hanger.” - Hanging wallpaper with two hands is overwhelming and nearly impossible… now imagine doing it with only one hand.

• “Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.” - They are jumpy and nervous about something.

Weather & Heat

If there’s one thing us Southerners love to complain about, it’s the weather. And we never do it simply.

• “Hotter than blue blazes.”

• “So hot the devil’s sweatin.”

• “Colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra.”

• “I’m sweatin like a whore in church.” This one, naturally, is a personal favorite of mine. As a child, I felt like a rebel when I would say this one… even before I truly understood what a ‘whore’ was

We measure weather not in degrees but in exaggerations—and honestly, it makes surviving August heat a little easier.

Food-Inspired Wisdom

Down here, food isn’t just nourishment. It’s a measuring stick for life.

• “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.” – Aunt Betty thinks that just because she added fresh herbs from her garden to the box of Stove Top dressing, she gets to pass that off as homemade.

• “That’s as useless as a screen door on a submarine.” -Instant grits? Seriously? Well, those are as “useless as a screen door on a submarine.”

• “Full as a tick.” – We need no explanation for this one!

Family & Personality Quips

Then there are the sayings we use to describe people, mainly our family members—their quirks, their flaws, and their personalities.

• “She’s got more nerve than a toothache.”- My cousin and I snuck out one night to meet a boy and possibly smoke a cigarette we stole from our friend’s mother. We definitely had some nerve!

• “Ugly as homemade sin.” – This one is about character and personality, not looks. We can accept unattractive looks in the South, but we can never forgive ugly and mean personalities.

• “Grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ a sweet tater.”- This one just makes me laugh because I think of my middle baby, Greyson… that boy’s wheels are ALWAYS spinning and he’s always up to something.

• “Oh honey, every family has crazy or trouble, but they’re still family and invited to Sunday supper.” - I love this one…. when I was younger, I allowed my ego to make more decisions in my life than my heart. After I lost my father, I truly began to understand that family is family. We don’t have to agree, participate, or even respect their decisions; however, family is always family.

• “Oh, honey, you didn’t have time to put a little paint on the barn this morning?” – My grandmother told me this one morning when I walked downstairs to go to church. It meant, get my butt back upstairs and fix my hair, pinch my cheeks, and look like I just didn’t roll out of bed to go thank Jesus for saving my sinning, lazy soul.

• “He’s a few fries short of a happy meal.” – Well, we all have that one cousin or uncle that has an “elevator that doesn’t go all the way to the top”

• “He’s the reason shampoo bottles have directions” – My Aunt Bernice had a favorite family member she constantly said this about! I’ll never forget one family gathering where he came in bragging about his truck. Aunt Bernice leaned over and whispered to me and Aunt Rose: “He thinks he’s the cat’s meow. But Lord knows, he’s ain’t even the litter box.”

• “I wouldn’t tell her a secret if we were the last two people on Earth and she was deaf.” We ALL have this one friend or Aunt!

Mama’s Southern Sayings

The following sayings need ZERO explanation… we will all remember hearing these:

• “You better fix your face before I fix it for you!”

• “I brought you into this world and I’ll take you out!”

• “You better hope your heart belongs to Jesus because when we get home, your ass belongs to me!”

• “Don’t you make me stop this car!”

• “Do you need to go to the bathroom? You look like you need to go to the bathroom.”

• “You’re making me lose my religion!”

• “You’re overcooking my grits, kid! Just wait ‘til we get home!”

• “Try me again and I’ll knock you into next and save you a seat at church!”

• “Just wait to your father gets home. He’s gonna tan your hide from here to kingdom come.” – I still have zero idea where ‘kingdom come’ is.

It’s easy to laugh at these sayings—and we should—but they also hold a deeper truth. They’ve been passed down for generations, mostly through the women who gathered at kitchen tables and church potlucks, raising kids and keeping families together.

These sayings aren’t just funny—they’re wisdom wrapped in wit. They’ve helped us face life’s frustrations with a smile instead of a frown. And when I hear my children repeat them, I know they’re not just copying me—they’re inheriting a way of looking at the world that finds joy even in the hard stuff.

My son, Greyson, and I always made fun of my dad because he would say “over yonder”. Greyson just could not help but belly laugh every time those words came out of Lane’s mouth. “Dad, where are the car keys?” “They’re over yonder”, as he just pointed in one direction or another. Through his laughter, Greyson would yell, “WHAT IS YONDER? WHERE IS A YONDER? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?” But Lane also taught Greyson and I two meaningful sayings we use quite often in our daily lives. One, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat, kiddo”… if someone tells you no or puts an obstacle in front of you, figure out another way. Next, “Laura, you know, this situation is like a pile of shit. The more you stir it, the more it stinks. Let it go.” Greyson and I, the impulsive reactive members of our family, have to remind ourselves of these two things often. My dad, Lane, lives on via his silly, Southern sayings.

While Southern sayings are silly, they’re also little nuggets of culture, resilience, and wit. They connect us to those before us—mothers, fathers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and grandparents—who used words as a way to teach, comfort, and occasionally roast someone to ashes without breaking a sweat.

So next time you hear someone say, “Well, butter my biscuit,” "over yonder", or “Bless your heart,” remember: it’s not just language. It’s a memory. It’s a connection to family present and those no longer with us. And it’s funny enough to keep us all laughing through the chaos of life.

Thank you so much for your time. I know it is your most precious possession, and I appreciate you sharing it with me.

Be strong. Be brave. Let everything you do be done in love.

My cup runneth over,

Laura